Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in katie's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, January 6th, 2007
1:04 am	screw this break and everything that has to do with it. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 17th, 2005
5:52 pm	if the semester's over...why do i still feel this way? Current Mood: horrible (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
10:04 pm	i can't believe you're satisfied... i just want this semester to be over...it has been the worst so far, and i am praying that next semester turns up better...i'm ok with emotional shit happening to me because that always happens...but this semester has not only taken a told on my mind but it has also beaten the shit out of my body... my insanity is pushing me over the line and i just wish that i could stay here in my house in pittsburgh all of break and be a hermit, never leave, and not ever have to talk to anyone, and do whatever i please, and just have free time to myself. because fuck ever getting that when i got back to a-town... Current Mood: oye! Current Music: weezer (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
7:36 pm	whoa...the weekend is over this has been by far one of the better weekends back in pittsburgh. it has been such a bumpy semester so far and everything is so not where it is supposed to be but i can't keep fighting everything around me. some times you just gotta let life take control and stop listening to that stupid stupid little voice in your head. i don't understand where everything got so complicated. last year things were so carefree and easy. oh yay i'm growing up to an adualt and all that psycho babble bullshit, but man...things have somewhat beccome unbearable this semester. i know i'll get over this, but just be patient a little while longer. i'm sure ill be myself again someday soon...i hope. Current Mood: my body needs rest. Current Music: sick cycle carousel (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
12:20 am	finally something feels right... so i know i have been neglecting my lj since last semester. yeah well. but coming back to school was very awkward for me for some reason. i wasn't all excited and what not like i was last year. this year i have kind of had the mentality of whatever sure. but it has also been so completely rocky for me and ky. i've just been mind fucking myself ever since i've gotten back to pittsburgh and after tonight...i'm finally happy. well not necesarily happy, but at peace. and ok with everything that is going on. yea...i'm ok. Current Mood: getting ill/trying not to Current Music: frou frou - "let go" (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
6:13 pm	i adopted a duck! his name is petri (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 28th, 2005
8:26 pm	i am so coming to visit because you have dancers at your school...hot ones too i bet... `that was my friend pete talking today. he also realizes that they are probably horny girls too becasue a good portion of ppu is gay...all i could do was laugh. so i guess i am gonna have to pimp him out when he comes to visit with steve...sorry girls steve is gay...guys however aww he's so adorable! i heart him sooo much...not as much as kyle howver. three weeks from saturday! i have been so sad lately and blowing $200.00 on clothes today seemed to make me feel a little better, but to say the least i still need furniture and lots of other random shit before i am completely ready to go back to schoool...yay. Current Mood: soooo tired Current Music: just the sound of the ac clicking (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
5:53 pm	look at the stars...look how they shine for you... drama drama and drama...i swear to god it's an a-town thing, because not once while i was in pittsburgh was shit ever this annoying and rediculous! i mean yeah there were the occasional things that happend but i swear to god this has been the worst summer i have had ever. the only things that are worth my while this summer were becoming amazing friends with steve and getting closer with pete. that's it. so ya'll remember the bastard fag (no offense my amazing gay boys) ryan who was like my other half in high school and when i left for school he went psycho and started hanging out with this bitch of a girl in order to replace me. well i can honestly say i am officially done letting myself get hurt. he isn't worth it and it took him flipping out on me for the most retarded reason ever to finally come to this conclusion. ugh i want to go back to pittsburgh...now damnit! i love you kyle i love you tracy i love you whitney soon...so soon...we shall be back together! Current Mood: damn you a-town Current Music: i just don't think i'll ever get over you (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 10th, 2005
1:46 am	is there anybody out there? ky...tracy? one of you...please find a way to call me some people will never change...and the drama will never end! Current Mood: exhausted (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 8th, 2005
1:19 am	it's much eaier not to know things sometimes, and to have french fries with your mom be enough... this post is dedicated to that special part of my heart left in the burgh... whenever i find myself feeling this way, i always read a book. it's an amazing concept, to just escape reality and transform yourself into a world that has been made for you by someone else. for some reason, i always end up reading "the perks of being a wallflower" if you haven't read this book yet, i think you should. it will definately make you think differently about your high school years, but it will also make you think differently about yourself. it's weird though, most people after they read a book taht really means something to them it "changes their life" and their "perspective on things" and of course i say this, but then i'll just go back to the way i am. i'm affraid of change. i'm affraid of a lot of things, and change is one of them. then again i am probably one of the most unorganized people you know, but there is always a system to my madness. i love reading this book, because first off i know it is based in pittsburgh. even though it doesn't tell you exactly where the person is from, i know it has to be pittsburgh. but anyway i always feel so different after everytime i read it. i must have read it about 3 or 4 times this past year, but i always seem to learn something new every time. i spent about 3 hours tonight reading it. i never realized just how peaceful it is to read on my front porch on a rainy night. all night actually, ever since i left the coffee shop i have felt so peacefull, for the first time in a long time, i can breath without gasping for air. after i left the coffee shop i went driving around. i managed to figure out how to burn my "the burgh" mix on my itunes onto a cd. and it was amazing. i drove without a cause and felt free. i listened to the songs we listened to this past year, and just felt so happy, because even though things at home are horrible when it comes to friends, i know that my true friends, no family are waiting for me in pittsburgh. as i blared defying gravity and screamed it at the top of my longs i rolled the windows down and just let the wind blow me away with the song. and then i started to cry. but for once it wasn't a sad cry, it was just a cry, because i felt infinite. who i am in pittsburgh and who i am at home are two completely different people. and for once tonight, i was myself. i didn't care, i didn't worry...i just exhisted... <3 K p.s. tracy and kyle- i need your addresses...i have something to give you that i think you will enjoy...I love you two very much and i miss you so much, but we shall be reunited soon Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: the burgh (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
12:34 am	quick abbreviated version of my life right now... mkay...let's see. marc is finally home!!!! yay! i can be happy again! mike isn't returning my phone calls j is being shady i still heart den more than ANYTHING i got 4 job offers today, 2 that are definate...yay money! i get to go stag to a wedding reception this weekend, what else is new? me and ash finally stopped fighting. momma dukes got a kick ass new car. i can't drive it yet my dad thinks i am obese, fucker. my mom doesn't know what to think. it's hott as balls here and i fucking hate the summer i wish i was in pittsburgh my miss kyle more than anything i miss tracy and whitney too...bitch tracy don't return my phone call!!!! the past few days have been severely rough, but today was a hell of a lot better i'm finally beginning to settle down in this craazy mixed up town. i need lots of sleep for tomorrow alas i bid you farewell my dear readers and hope all is well... <3 K Current Mood: drained Current Music: defying gravity...*tears* (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 28th, 2005
10:03 pm	when i think of our friendship a tricycle comes to mind...because im always feeling like the third wheel. because you start out with three wheels and it's good, but then it gets boring and you know that third wheel can always be ditched for something better, you only go back to the third wheel for something different and easy amusement Current Mood: sore Current Music: i can't figure out the song name or who sings it (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
6:10 pm	the church bells ring no more, because i am no longer juli's bitch! agh! i apologize so deeply for neglecting my lj this past month. it has been absolutely insane and unbearable. but it was totally worth it... to see the look on my sister's face this past weekend was absolutely priceless. the wedding turned out to be better than anyone could ever imagine and i had an amazing time. i'm so speechless aboutt everything and so taken back that i can't even begin to start a description. if you want details give me a call...i have maybee a little energy to tell you. but i am whiped out and i am crashing at my sister's place for the week while they are in the dominican republic on their honeymoon. HOLLER! ah it is so great to be here away from the family watching my sister's dog and not having a fucking care in the whole damn world! ahhh! minus ash beeing a bitch wait, a MEGA bitch everything is great. and i am happy. Current Mood: calm Current Music: SILENCE!!!!!!!!! (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 7th, 2005
12:02 am	i seem caught in time, my head leaves me behind... so i finally felt in place tonight...i sat and talked with justin for awhile outside of the coffe shop and it really made me peaceful. there was this really weird kid who walked past the shop and he didn't even glance at either one of us and kept moving. justin laughed and said two years ago that kid would always stop here and annoy the hell out of everyone...now he won't even acknowledge this places presence, or "us." now i know this is weird, but when i first started working at civic my sophomore year...wait...ok the coffe shop has "regulars" struggling artists and even the most brilliant artists that are always there. sitting outside, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, day after day. and when i started working at civic (it's straight accross the street from the coffee shop) i yerned to be a "regular" this was the only time in my life that i ever truely wanted to be in and have everyone know me. and what i came to realize is that when i stopped trying to fit in and started being myself, i was accepted into this little world of coffee and cigarettes. for some reason, whenever i am my most stressed, i can go down there and leave in a much more peaceful state of mind. and just the way that justin was talking tonight it made me smile, because he included me in the part of "us" like i was a regular. yeah i used to be a whack job, and at times still am, but everyone that goes there has some problem. or just an obsession. last summer i spent EVERY night at the coffee shop. it was my home away from my parents. i befriended andrew and he pretty much became the sponge to my problems. he's really good with advice too. i have so many memories at that place that i think that when i get older, i'll still come by every once in awhile, because it just holds a place in my heart. whether it be, a "great" ex-boyfriend or my first stitches, for some reason i'll always have some sentimental attachment to it. i know i left and was affraid everything would be different, but the thing is, the only thing that has changed...is me. i don't fit in there the way i used to...with the guys being an immature girl who always has a problem. i consider it now me being an adult...just finding peace in myself while i enjoy the company of others as i sip on my coffe, and smoke cigarettes... Current Mood: content Current Music: secretly (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
12:02 am	some people shall never change... so i have been home for about 3 days now. and i have been so damn busy with wedding stuff that i haven't even had time for me. tonight i went to the coffee shop and kind of felt out of place. i said bye to andrew and he said i guess i'll be seeing you often now that you're home, and i said most likely not. he asked why, but i just shrugged it off because i used the wedding as an excuse. i find myself using that as my excuse to everything. is that bad? i dunno, i sat and drank coffee chain smoked of course and minded my own business reading the new yorker, and i was peaceful. i just feel so weird now. everyone has stayed exactly the same, but me. and more and more i find myself sticking out like a sore thumb around everyone. yet i dissapear...if that makes any sense. i'm way more of an intelect than i ever was, and i can't seem to find a way to fit in with "the boys" anymore. when i was leaving pittsburgh i could not wait to come home and hang out with straight boys...but i just don't feel like one of the guys anymore. im more independent. like on a social level. tonight i was just so happy driving around by myself listening to music and smoking cigarettes, sipping on what was left of my delicious coffee. at school i really didn't have that much of a chance to be alone, because i hated being alone. yet now that i am home, i want to be alone. i have been having a hard time sleeping, because it is so quiet in my room. at shcool there was always the constant noise of the fans blowing masking every noise. now the humming of my computer drives me to insanity and i have to get up and turn it off. everything is so much more quiet here. and to an extent it is peacefull. but a disturbing peacefull. i can't get over how pleasant i was tonight. i felt like it was something out of a movie...just me driving around, and enjoying the peacefullness of the night. i feel more alone now than i have in a very long time. and in a way i feel that's good, yet at the same time i detest it immensly. i hate walking around and seeing teens holding hands and being all cutesy. i'm jealous of course. i want what they have. i just want to be special in someone's eyes. i guess you could say i am to mike and den, but den's too old, and mike i just don't feel the same way i used to about him. i secretly hoped to rekindle old flames from the end of my senior year, yet i know it won't be attainable. why is it human nature to want something we can't have? fuckin eve, she had to screw us over. and i swear that will be the only religous imagery you will ever hear from me. i don't even know the whole story of adam and eve. all i know is eve ate the apple and screwed everyone over. i miss what i have in pittsburgh. not just because my friends there are amazing, they are just like any other friends (but a hell of a lot more loyal), but i miss it because they know who i am now. no one here knows who i am or what i have changed into. and i guess my biggest fear is that, they won't like who i am now. everyone in pittsburgh has been with me every step of the way, and my friends here just got the bits and bobbles, the reader's digest version of my life, typed away on a live journal. i was so bored lastnight that i did something i never thought i would ever do again. and that was went out with ryan. the more i sat and talked with him the more i realized...he will never change. some people just never leave high school. and i feel that i have. yeah i'm still immature sorta loud and obnoxious, but i'm a hell of a lot calmer than what i used to be. i don't go flying off the handle. well i have to admit i did today with my sister, juli and her fiance matt. it's just all of this wedding bullshit is putting me to my end. i just have to bite my tongue and not piss her off. this isn't about me, it's about her. it always has been. i'm the pudgy awkward little sister that has always had to live in her shadow. i was always smarter than her, but artisically she is amazing. and i guess it frustrates me that my family doesn't realize how good i am. and the fact that theatre was my thing. and i was really good at it. and i feel that the only reason as to why i became discouraged about it this year, is because i had to start at the bottom of the totem pole again. ugh there is just this aching inside of me right now. and i can't figure out how to ease it. i definately don't miss what my life used to be like, but i do miss my friendship with my family. now that i am home my dad treats me so much differently. like today he said while you are living in my house this summer i want you to keep your door shut, because i don't want to see the mess in your room. that really hurt. i haven't really had that much time to unpack so yes my room is a disaster. but just the way he said it. it was like him saying, you don't live here anymore, you just visit. like i wasn't a member of the family or something. it broke my heart. i've tried to sit and talk with my dad and "bond" with him like i used to...but it's like he doesn't even want to give me a chance or anything. and it really breaks my heart. he's just getting so old and i've completely lost words to explain what i am feeling and thinking. i miss the good ol' burgh a lot...but i'm not even giving atown a chance. i don't want to. i love what i have there. and the only thing motivating me to get through this summer is knowing i'll be back there in 3 months. 3 months. that's not too long. hopefully it will just breeze by. yet i think i have to give this a chance or this summer will be absolute hell for me. and i want it to be a good summer. ashlee comes home tomorrow, so i think that's my motivation. i'll have her. and we'll have the summer. and al will be fine...i hope. Current Mood: blah Current Music: a rush of blood to the head~coldplay (Comment on this)
Friday, April 29th, 2005
3:49 am	may very well be the last post from the burgh... so...i think i am going to have to go on a tangent, so bare with me this past year has been the greatest experience of my life. i have had my really hard times, and i have had my amazing times. and i couldn't be happier with where i am in my life right now. i have made the most amazing friends ever here. and i thought it could never be done. niki you have become my savior, and i love you dearly. you are by far the coolest person in the tech department and i am so glad that i got to get to close with you. i i love being your friend and i am goig to miss you so much this summer. kyle, you are my everything. wow. what a year. it has been absolutely amazing getting to know you the past 5 months. we both have been through a lot, and i feel that i probably would have been completely lost without you. then again i probably would have found someone else to listen to my problems and give me cigarettes, but i am so thankful that it was you that i found. you are such an amazing person, and i know you will go so far in life, because there are just those people in the world that you know will grow up to be successful. and you are so one of them. in the past few months, i have been so happy being your friend. and i feel honored that i am your friend. you have helped me in more ways than any person has at this school. and i will never be able to thank you enough for that. and i just wish that you were living with me next year! i love living with you right now. even though you are a COMPLETE slob (just kidding...or am i!?) you have been the best roommate by far. i just want to thank you so much for everything you have done for me, and i am going to miss you so much this summer but i know that you are so coming to my home town! you have tooo!!!! i just love you. thank you. timmie, i won't be able to forget any of the nights that you have rescued me. mor e importantly i won't be able to forget you. thank you so much. for everything. and i am so glad that we did get to have taht one last talk. and please come visit me next year! and don't forget about me! now, all year i have been making a collaboratoin of all of the random shit all of us had said, either drunk, stoned or amazingly enough sober! hehe here we go... "my issues have issues" ~timmie "mayhaps?" ~kim "every truely great accomplishment is at first impossible" ~fortune cookie "can you get high from the smell?" ~me "i dunno but it smells good! ~anna "i figured out where my pot was! i smoked it!!!" ~me talking to tim "you know it's bad when you become the third wheel to a dog and a gay man" ~me to jamie "and we're gay!" ~kyle tracy whitney...i forgot who started it "you're a bitch, but i still love you. unless i worked here, then i'd rip off your nuts...if you had them." ~kim "did you ever realize we talk in an accent when we play go feesh?" ~kim "ah! my hair is atrocious!" ~me "you just sound like a gay boy!" ~kim "it's like super-pot!" ~niki "you must find the jade monkey by midnight!" niki's friend erika "don't ask me these quesitons when i am stoned! what were you thinking!?!?" ~me "nothing cuz i'm stoned!" ~kim "it's super pot!" ~whitney "it's super pot!" ~kyle "as much as i hate it...i LOVE the drama!" ~kyle ahhh...ppu. i got there. definately got there. what a year. thank you so much, you all know who you are. i am going ot miss everyone so much and i can't wait until next year! when we all have houses and apartments holler! ah we are so goign to be partying at each other's houses next year! i so can't wait! this has been the best experience ever and i know next year will be even better! i love you all! <3, k Current Mood: kinda sad Current Music: ants marching~dmb (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 28th, 2005
2:22 pm	the last hoorah... so lastnight it was free beer! the cops showed up again, however he was a really chill dude and just told us to be more quiet...yay! it was definately an awesome final party of the year. i had a blast. ugh now i have to start tearing down my room. and it kinda makes me sad, because i have grown pretty attached to this room. i think i'm gonna miss it. there are so many memories in this room. wow. alas, i get to move into my house next! 240 ophelia here i come! Current Mood: just a little hungover (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
6:54 am	i'll be home saturday! so kyle jesse and i pulled a complete all nighter. i wrote jesse's paper, and now he better do my damn scene design model! it has been a really odd night, but at the same time a lot of fun. now that the hard part is over i can quick bullshit my costume and make-up finals and then all i will have to worry about is chris's final on wednesday. wahoo! and then i will have 2 days to spend with kyle and then i'll be home on saturday! it's weird. because i have been crying and whining to go home for the past 3 weeks, and now that this week has come, i'm not ready yet. i'm not ready to say good-bye to tracy yet. and i know taking her to the airport will not be an easy task for any of us. it sucks, because she is the first one of my super close friends that is leaving. Hey tracy, it's going to be weird not having you around. i love you so much and i hope you have an amazing summer! keep in touch with me damnit! i'll miss you!! but hey...think of this summer as an intermission. after the year that all of us have had, i kinda think we need it. time to let our brain cells reform in our head, and time to take better care of our bodies. and get decent nights of sleep. i feel that i never would have been able to get through the past 5 months w/out you, tracy, or kyle. i <3 you both so much! and just thank you so much for everything you have done. Current Mood: amazingly awake Current Music: secretly (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
12:40 pm	"the cops are here!"-cody so those were the most frightening words i have ever heard in my life. what the helll...the last bi part at blandino's for the year and the fucking cops had to show up. and me ky and tracy were there for like a whole 15 minutes. alas, since itt was the last weekend in the burg we all went to a different one instead. i thought i had lost my bowl, but thankfully i found it. and now today i had to say goodbye to my first friend. i'm holdin pretty strong, because kim was probably one of my friends that am i closer with. and can you believe it is fucking snowing?! i know this is really mixed up and not making any sense, but my thought process is not working yet today. this is goign to be such a hard week, and i'm really not looking forward to it. 5 final projects, yay. hey tim, i don't know if you left yet, but if you did, have a great summer and good luck with wherever you end up. i heart you and i'll miss you so much next year. sorry we never got to see each other one last time. that makes me sad :'( sadder than i already am. Current Mood: *tear* Current Music: pete yorn-"for nancy" (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
11:41 pm	quick before the day is over! happy 4-20 everyone! i am so happy, today has been one of the best fucking days ever! and i am so pleasant and happy where i am right now. and not just because i am stoned, but becasue here i have realized my friends are real, and genuine. so i woke up smoked a bowl, went to jimmy john's...yumm! and then went to class, came back smoked a bowl or three but who's counting...then went to see the visit, it was fabulous, and then me andjesse came back and ran through the rain and jumped in puddles, then we went and got jakey and walked accross the smithfield bridge and jumped in more puddles in the down pouring rain...it was just a great time. i really felt free. and not alone, for once. Current Mood: chill Current Music: coldplay (Comment on this)